i went to visit my granny. the one who took care of me since i was born. who sheltered me from caning when i was young. the one who bring me downstairs to buy my favourite Yakult. the one that pat my butt to sleep when i was sleeping in a sarong. the one that bathe me and woke up to be by my side when i need to go to the toilet at the wee hours of the morning. the one that is so deeply engraved in my heart that can wet my eyes any moment of time. its hard to accept that now is constantly lying on the bed, looking so weak and suffering form depression. time took away the granny i used to be with. when i look at her, i got zapped back to where i used to belong. the same old jason who valued family more than any other things. now i look at myself again.
i've changed. there's only a tinge of family orientated trait in me. i've developed into a workaholic. even all the HR personnels in the hotel say so. I became so driven, so focus, so bent on making my mark in the working society. i wanna carve a legacy for myself. i'm curious what causes this change. the thirst for power or self-achievement. i guess its both. i like interacting, managing and leading. that's what drives me now. romance and kinship suddenly took a back step. i feel that i have neglected them. to others, i might seem i have off set the balance, but right now i feel i have found the balance. but last night put everything back to jepopardy again. where do i wanna head to? singapore or the globe? i feel so encaged in singapore. i wanna step out and breathe the air outside and see the ugly scenes where i catch on the news. i don't wanna be just a typical singapore kampung boy who settle down after finding a local stable job and start a family and the generations just go on and on. i want an adventure! i want to move form places to places. experience the culture, interact with the different people.
Till now when i reach NS, i'm still bent on making my mark in the hospitality world irregardless of what it takes. let's see how NS might change me...
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Creed
..cast your own judgement..
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