..A story behind every frame..

my simple pleasures of life...
-having to take a taxi instead of a bus.
-waking up, knowing you have 1more hour to sleep.
-a smile from the block cleaner down my block.
-hearing familar songs u like on the radio.
-watching a movie without worrying about work.
-waking up to see unread messages in your inbox.
-knowing what to do the moment you wake up.
-listening to the cicadas and crickets orchestrate their musical at the field down my block.
-staring at the little diamonds hung up the clear sky.(they seem to be smiling back at me)
-sleeping in a air-con room with a nice pillow underneath and a soft warmy blanket to hide in.
-no bad news of my family, relatives and frenz.

Thursday, April 29, 2004

jason went to ponder at 3:10 am,
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i'm no superman but i feel i am. going to people's rescue only when they need help. after that i juz leave them to lead their own life themselves again. its an uhealthy cycle i realise. i took things for granted at times...

Friday, April 23, 2004

jason went to ponder at 5:32 am,
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something bothering me but what's more bothering is that i can't seem to grasp what it is.. I feel that i can take on the whole world and yet feel weak. i feel empowered yet powerless to know what going on inside me. its growing. i've a tingling its my confidence, my arrogance, my ego.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

jason went to ponder at 4:22 pm,
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went dinner with leigh's family a couple of days ago. It was a steak cum seafood restaurant. coincidentally this restaurant happens to be the restaurant i patronise when i was really young and this is where my love for steak comes from. dining in that restaurant once again sure brings back lotsa of memories. family. my dad used to bring me to eat in this restaurant every saturday before bringing me to my granny house. he will order a adult portion steak for me and ask me to eat and told me its nice cos he thinks its nice. so i juz gobble every piece of bloody moo moo into my mouth and thus my feelings for steak develop. think i thought back on my childhood days. my dad really dotes on me. he's a guy of few words but plenty of actions. though sometimes he appear to be stingy, he's saving for the family future so i never complain to him why he never bring us on a holiday. he wanted to give me a good life and i always hear from my mum that my dad stinge on his food so we can eat better food. this took me by surprise and i'm really touched. vague memories of him and i together flashed past... him accompanying me to shit in the cubicle cos i'm too afraid to be alone, him bringing me to the field down my block to learn how to cycle, him bringing me to and fro to the various doctors despite his busy work schedule cos i broke my arm, him always buying new toys for me every week when i was a little kid, him hugging me when i broke down when i can't handle the stress in sec 1. he earned my respect and no matter how he raise his voice at me, i;ll never rebutt. sometimes his ego get the better out of him, even though he's wrong, i respect his point of view. he raise me up and i'm proud to be his son.

went to granny house today after a study session at the esplanade library. its wasn't plan but felt a sudden urge to see my family and relatives. they have been really close to me during my childhood days. i can to mingle and play with my little cousins. each and every little thing had grown up. i'm so proud of them. as usual i played with jerome and jerode, brigette and beatrice. they are the youngest among all and the cutest. wrestle with jerome, let jerode and brigette and beatrice took turns to step on my feet and did a four legged walk. it brings me back to when i was a little boy just like them. pour cold water on jerome and jerode while they are showering so could see them squirm like a little boy. naked young boys looks cute. oops... then we proceed to our tv session and all of them juz crowd around me. as usual jerome sit on me and somehow i feel this affinity with him. i felt like a father. with my kids all around me watching tv together. its simple, but it is a bliss. with so much work and woo-haa in poly life, spending time with those innocent one brought me back to where i belong. my family. i promise myself i'm gonna be a good father and a good husband in the future. i don't dream of giving a luxurious life to my family, but i'm going to give them a meaningful family life.i can't give them wealth but i can give them happiness. i can't pamper them with gifts but can pamper them with love. i'm gonna work so hard and give them a good life.

Jerome and jerode's father, uncle kay soon slipped 100 bucks to my pocket today. he's my best uncle, not because he gives me money, but he instills moral values into me when young, dotes on me, comforts me when i'm scared, supports me when i'm down. He played a big part in moulding me to what i am today and i proud to have him as a uncle. his dillgence,kindness and never-say-die attitude influenced me alot. he gave me confidence and make me believe in myself. he clear the mist so i can have a clearer vision of my future. He's always there for me. I feel its now time for me to return his gratitude. i tried teaching vanessa, jerome,jerode what's right and wrong and listen to nonscensical talks from them. esp jerode(3 yrs old) who says his birthday is coming and its on october.

Had a talk today with brigette and beatrice's father, uncle kian tiong. He's another milestone in my life. He's the one who encourage me to join scouting. he's the one who engraved a phrase so deeply in my heart, "Follow your heart." He's the one who brings me closer to nature, lecture me when i'm naughty and punish me when i misbehave.

These 2 uncles played an important role in making what i am today. i felt grateful and i'm not gonna let them down. i'm gonna take care of their kids and guide them along as they grow up and i'm gonna give both of them a good life when they retire. Thanks for being my inspiration!

Saturday, April 17, 2004

jason went to ponder at 3:50 pm,
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finally i've reached the crossroad... to be a jaded coward and hide or make a swift decision and live with it. i'm not strong enough in this arena and now i'm facing the consequences. its seems like fighting a losing war, running a endless marathon, writing a pageless book, listening to a never-ending song, falling into a bottomless realm. where's my strength when i needed it most?

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

jason went to ponder at 4:05 am,
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In South Africa, one of the finest tribes were the Zulus. Every man was a good warrior and a good scout, because he had learned scouting as a boy.
When a boy was old enough to become a warrior, he was stripped of his clothing and painted white all over. He was given a shield with which to protect himself and a small spear for killing animal or enemies. He was then turned loose in the jungle.
If anyone saw him while he was still white, they would hunt him and kill him. And that the white paint took about a month to wear - It would not wash off.
So for a month the boy had to hide away in the jungle, and live the best he could.
he had to follow up the tracks of deer and creep up near enough to spear the animal in order to get food and clothing for himself. He has to make fire to cook his food, by rubbing two sticks together. he had to be careful not to let his fire smoke too much, or it would catch the eye of the scouts on the lookout to hunt him.
He had to be able to run long distances, to climb trees and to swim rivers in order to escape the pursuers. He had to be brave, and stand up to a lion or any wild animal that attacked him.
he had to know which plants were good to eat and which were poisonous. He had to build himself a hut to live in, well hidden.
He had to take care that wherever he went he left no foot trackes by which he could not be followed up.
For a month he had to live his life, someimtes in the burning heat, sometimes in the cold hard rain.
When at last the white stain had worn off, he was permitted to return to his village. He was then received with great joy, and was allowed to take his place among the young warriors of the tribe. He had proved that he was able to look after himself.
If every boy works hard at Scouting he will, at the end of it, have some claim to call himself a Scout and a man, and will find that he will have no difficulty in facing any harder hardships.

Sunday, April 11, 2004

jason went to ponder at 11:17 am,
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one by one, they falter and they fall. they sink deeper into purgatory. i tried to lift them up but one man can only do this much. What's happening? Brendon, brace yourself! LIfe is too short to lament. Raymond, pull yourself together. where's the ever charismatic and influential chairman that i respect? Never Give Up! there's always hope.. there's always people around you to give you a hand.. Yeung Ching's door is always open and i'll welcome you both back anytime with open arms.

jason went to ponder at 11:07 am,
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"Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages, through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again checked in a blind alley.

But always, if we have faith, God will open a door for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves would ever have thought of, but one that will ultimately prove good to us." -A.J. Cronin

Saturday, April 10, 2004

jason went to ponder at 5:25 am,
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lament not bout what you don't have. embrace what you have.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

jason went to ponder at 5:04 am,
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granny choked today. she's hospitalised. i'm worried. i'm going to visit her tomorrow. ah ma, thank god you are fine. ah ma, i love you.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

jason went to ponder at 6:12 pm,
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Creed

..cast your own judgement..