yearning
made a short trip with dad to the airport to meet his clients.
i've always been intrigue by the airport.. Different levels evokes different emotions. The Arrival hall, filled with anxiety, hope, yearning. The Departure hall, always a sense of melancholy.. i prefer the arrival hall better. Love is always in the air.
Right now i yearn for something i hardly can comprehend. not appreciation, not love, not power. what is it?
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
What's my next step?
Poly life have officially come to a closure.. No more tutorial xeroxing, no more hiding in the AV room during lecture, no more rotting at the gallery, no more extravagant toilets antics with the guys and no more project chionging..
I'm sure everyone has come out a much better, stronger and wiser person. not the freshie we once were 3 years ago.. The big big question pondering in most of our heads now is where do we head now? For all the guys except the leggy Malaysian, we are gonna head for the university of Tekong. For gals, already i've come to knowledge some already sending their resume out while others have placements in the various universities.
As for now, i already had a job. Scouts. These few days have been a real hectic week for us. Job Week, Programme Planning for next coming year and the worst of all, BUDGET! Pretty much everyday, i just gotta do abit of planning for the future of my kids.
Four Seasons just called and wants me back for Part-time as a telephone operator. Hmmm... these few days I have been thinking whether i should head back or should i try something new or should i just devote all my time to my scouts. It's all one big question mark. Money, Aspiration or Love? a pit stop. i ponder.
many days. i wait.
Friday, March 25, 2005
Oh yeah!~! finally you're 6 more years to the BIG 3. embrace it lady!
Monday, March 21, 2005
~Our Unit~
~the Veterans or the Elders~
~the SSTT~
~Serene with the Ventures~
i simple just love them.. these scouts are a joy to watch even though they are always a pain in the ass. they reminds me of my childhood. playful and reckless and nonsensical. they couldn't sit still for a picture and another one is trying to capture the slipper in mid air for the picture.. and i'm helping him take the picture.. Cheaper by the Dozen
while i slurped on my maggie today, i endulged myelf in this movie. second time, but i like it as it still strucks a chord with my heart.
serene's birthday today, too bad i can't post the pictures up, something wrong with the connection.. will do so tmr.. Happy birthday Oscar cos i know you will read this..
After so much speculation, i might not even go overseas to study. Somehow i rather spend the money on a humble vehicle, a wedding dinner, my future home and maybe my future kid's education. Trotting the globe is lucrative, but bringing my family and my scouts to trot around singapore is much more meaningful.. Thanks for bringing me down to earth. I might not be living my dream, but i have other dreams..
Although many times i feel like killing you, but i will kill for you all the time..
Sunday, March 20, 2005
4 guys and a prata place.. took our usual walk from thomson to lower pierce reservoir to "unwind".. Main topic of today, as usual, "sex" & "porn". however we did discuss about the chinese name of fruits lik starfruit can be call xin xin guo in actual fact it's call yang tao. and what is a passionfruit call. re qing guo? and we deduce watermelon is a vegetable since it comes from the ground and we don't remember it got a flower. a fruit can only be call a fruit when there's a flower or else there won't be this phrase call "kai hua jie guo".. right.. we were bored..
Thursday, March 17, 2005
and we saw fireworks.... nahz.. actually i just trying to do some effects with the camera..
i kinda like this frame so i snapped it down..
a day well spend.. got my face red, explored some new places accompanied with lotsa of nagging and scolding from some brat..
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
2 shopping malls and a pizza place..
******super duper glaring sun******
the glaring sun makes us squaint..
they were studying and i wasn't in the mood for that so i read.. one thing that created an impact - "The more you remain focused on your goals, the greater your depth of thoughts."
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
and kids will tend to be kids.. he ends up with ice cream in his face...
and he made a wish..
look at the enthusiasm in his face while he held the "cake".
it's tai chong's bday so decided to pop by the den to give him a lil surprise..
it's the third day of my scout's job week.. rounded off the day with fiona's bday celebration along with kondo,ivan,julie & sooling. the immoderate amt of food and the towering sugar cane mugs made it a well day spent..
Monday, March 14, 2005
a glimpse of the incinerating weather nowadays..
the ground that i have been standing on for 13 years...
~kids~
~Biker-Scout from Yeung Ching~ Money can buy you a clever PDA to store addresses of people whom you have met, but it can't buy their geunine friendship. Money can buy a wonderful holiday to the Tropics but it can't buy a partner to share a barefoot walk on the beach. Money can buy a Four Seasons bed, but it can't buy a peaceful sleep. Money can buy a leather bound diary, but it can't buy tender memories.
Many had seen my drastic change and attitude swap this past months. yes indeed i have lost my corporate ambition but right now i have another ambition in mind and i am working towards it.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Had a unexpected gathering with this unique bunch of frenz.. surprisingly we had a mixture of HTM year 1,2 & 3 in this bunch. We create lots of embarassment. the tumbling glass and the loud clash from the dustbin... oh yeah... we are a bunch of clowns, plus a pair of non-stop laughing bimbos and a pair of "shy" girls who don't get the bimbo's jokes...
Friday, March 11, 2005
Avril & Fagan. Sweet.
Marc. hmmm...
Jane & Edelina
SINGAPORE GIRLS WINS COMMONWEALTH ESSAY PRIZE
A 15-YEAR-OLD Singaporean, competing against 16- to 18-year-olds,has won the top prize in a writing contest that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries. In the annual Commonwealth Essay Competition, Amanda Chong of Raffles Girls' School (Secondary) chose to compete in the older category and won with a piece on the restlessness of modern life.
Her short story, titled "What The Modern Woman Wants", focused on the conflict in values between an old lady and her independent-minded daughter. 'Through my story, I attempted to convey the unique East-versus-West struggles and generation gaps that I felt were characteristic of young people in my country,' said Amanda, who likes drama, history, and literature and wants to become a lawyer and a politician. Chief examiner Charles Kemp called her piece a 'powerfully moving and ironical critique of modern restlessness and its potentially cruel consequences'. The writing is fluent and assured, with excellent use of dialogue.
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen
______________________(Start)______________________________
The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it
careened down the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on
her lap, afraid it may be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used
to such speed; with trembling hands, she pulled the seatbelt
tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with
her calloused fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it,
'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.' Her daughter, Bee
Choo, was driving and
talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old
woman could barely understand. 'Finance' 'Liquidation' 'Assets'
'Investments'...
Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it.
Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television.
She was speaking in an American accent. The old lady clucked her
tongue in disapproval. 'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to
sell!' Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she
stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails
gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation. 'I can't DEAL with
this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled
it angrily toward the backseat. The mobile phone hit the old woman
on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly
picked it up and handed it to her daughter.
'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching
to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America. There have been a lot
of problems.'
The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.
Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering
what she was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always
carried the same cryptic look. The phone began to ring again, an
artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward
silence.
'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.' Elaine. The old woman
cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter
telling her, how an English name was
very important for 'networking', Chinese ones being easily
forgotten. 'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take
the ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'
Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring
to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant
she did not comprehend. 'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking
of joss sticks!' The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands
gripping her plastic bag in defense.
The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost
garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The old
woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the
main hall. Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit
and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way
to her mother's side. 'Ma, I'll wait outside. I have an important
phone call to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at
the pungent fumes of incense.
The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick. She
knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to
the Gods.
Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these
years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has
everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has
a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too
clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is
engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh man. Her company is now the
top financial firm and even men listen to what she says. She lives
the perfect life. You
have given her everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be
merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the
harvest of success.
What you see is not true; she is a filial daughter to me. She gives
me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to
me only because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want
to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.
The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes.
Finally, with her head bowed in reverence she planted the
half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smoldering ashes. She bowed
once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for
thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came
to the temple and prayed that it was a son.
Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb,
bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but
unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had kicked and punched her for
producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family
name. Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born
girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter
would grow up and have everything she ever wanted. Her husband left
her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on
a man.
She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the
woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman
with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A
woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened
her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would
listen. She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched
her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language
she scarcely understood. She watched her daughter transform from a
quiet girl, to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu;
old-fashioned. She wanted her mother to be 'modern', a word so new
there was no Chinese word for it. Now her daughter was too clever
for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that.
The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth
and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots
and now she stood,
faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by
only a string of origami banknotes.
Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values. Her wants were so
ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, Wealth, access to the
best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true
happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with
much less. When her daughter left the earth everything she had
would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say
that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the
wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and
mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes
and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: That her
daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her
daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and
worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is
only one way to go from there - down.
The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a
packet of beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked
her for worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so
faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her
daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power
that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life.
Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped
counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had
would slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty
soulless shell at the altar. The old lady watched her joss tick.
The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger
of collapsing.
Modern woman nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she
bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern woman
nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why
they cannot find it. Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey
powder.
She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and
frustration was etched on her daughter's face. An empty expression,
as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for
the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness. They climbed
into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the
highway, this time not as fast as she had done before.
'Ma,' Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark
and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big
house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a
buyer willing to pay seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a
cozier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in
Orchard Road. Once we move in to our apartment we plan to get rid
of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'
The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard. 'We'd get
someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out - but
once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You
will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that, the apartment is
rather small. There won't be space. We thought about it for a long
time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a
Home. There's one near Hougang - it's a Christian home, a very nice
one.'
The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. 'I've been there; the
matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and
lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time for you,
you'd be happier there.'
'You'd be happier there, really.' Her daughter repeated as if to
affirm herself. This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food
offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her
seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not
want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her
shoulders sag, and her fingers trace the white seat.
'Ma?' her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her
mother. 'Is everything okay?'
What had to be done, had to be done. 'Yes,' she said firmly, louder
than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,' she added more
quietly.
'It's for you, Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there
tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said
triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.
'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt
liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her
happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in
her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a
modern woman ever wanted; Money, Status, Career, Love, Power and
now, Freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to
weigh her down...
Yes, she was free. Her phone buzzed urgently, she picked it up and
read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. 'Stocks 10%
increase!' Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for
her... And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance
of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became
invisible, and she did not see the tears..
-------------------(end)-----------------------------
I shared the 3 major part of my life at one go. family, friends & scouts. it's been a meaningful day and i look forward to many similar days to come..
waffles never tasted so nice today..appreciating the lil things you come across really helps to build a strong aura i have possessed now. i'm proud i manage to go through the ordeal with no tears shed but tackled it with no emotions involved..
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
While i was clearing up my room mess, a song just sparks.
Tell me baby,
Tell me true.
Am I hurting you?
Loving me is just a chore,
Why did you hold on?
Love me tender,
Love me sweet.
When will we complete?
Oh my darling,
I love you.
And I always do.
Kiss me baby,
Kiss me long.
I am holding on.
Fly away with heavy heart
And hear my feeble call.
Just a mistake,
Oh so grave
Why did I go wrong?
Oh my darling,
I love you.
Still I always do..
Beach Boys - Wouldn't it be nice
Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong
You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together
Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through
Happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldn't it be nice
Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
We could be married
And then we'd be happy
Wouldn't it be nice
You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldn't it be nice
Good night my baby
Sleep tight my baby
it's amazing how a series of events could sway my life goals totally.. there's no more GM dream, no striding the corporate ladder aspiration, no trotting around the globe fantasy. i want a nice and cosy 3 room flat i can call my own, a Renault Kangoo with a nice cosy sofa at the back where i can stock my cooking utensils, mats and tent. i want a family, where i can go home to every day. Saturday & Sunday will be family day. I want to be the first to wake up to make breakfast for my family and be the last one to sleep so i can tug my family to bed.
she loves this picture cos it makes her look sweet so i just gotta post it up..
Monday, March 07, 2005
its been more than a year that we took a neoprint. so i used my camera to take a shot at the neoprint..
Just woke up from a nightmare. by far, it's the scariest one i ever had. i witness a massacre. i could see bleeding wounds inflicted by gunshots at people's nick, corpses lying on top of each other and the though of moving through the piling corpses still lingers in my mind. when i woke up, i just broke down. life can really be taken away so easily. why didn't i cherish the people around me and but choose to think they will be around the next day. i cherish everyone of you, especially you..
celebrated Yangzheng Primary's 100th anniversary with style today.. lion dance & dragon dance. been doing it for 9 years and still haven't gotten tired of it.. seeing yangzheng history makes me feel very proud to be once studying in this school and doing my bit for it at this moment..
i've never been known to spend extravagant amount on my grooming and dressing? you ask me why? hmmm... i rather spend that money on things i can share with people. i spend alot on food when i'm with frenz and yet scrimp when i have to dine alone. i don't mind paying abit of your share as long as you can join the fun when the whole group goes out. i spend it on taxi fares because i wanna spend more time with you..
Sunday, March 06, 2005
my near to fairytale team.. team, thanks for being yourself and adding so much spice and zest into my my life.. tingwei, you did me proud during the presentation. shuhui & wanrou, you both try not to be too hardworking in the future, will work yourself to dead. elaine, you never fail to amaze with your brain. jinde, brilliant idea with presenting our ideas in that board! i love you all!
Saturday, March 05, 2005
attended HTMIG's movies under the stars event, and chanced upon this frame. seems like a walkway to some mystical land so decided to capture it..
particularly like this picture. the background is really amazing.. in my life i have played many figures in various pple. i can be someone's buddy buddy, someone's buddy o'pal, someone's ernie, someone's ugly guardian angel or even someone's kichimayer. however i realise all these figures had something in uniquely. They contain my essence, they had my spirit. Thank you for making me learnt so many lessons, if not i wouldn't have come so far and realise so much more that i've never thought of.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Took this when we are exploring Holland Village. at least i know of a place to get my furniture if i need some..
I'm ready to get back on the tracks, to run my hearts out and do what i believe in. i've got back on my feet and let me run the journey of life again..
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
a picture speaks 2.5 words~~ he's horny. 4 guys accompanied 1 guy to bugis to buy a belt. in the end, he decided not to buy a belt and all of them spend more than 20 bucks on a freaking game machine to catch a MP3 player. lesson learn. the money we contributed last night wasn't wasted at all. we had FUN together~ Cheers!
jinde gave me lessons on how to take close-up shots. here's to you, the guy who draw many on all my workbooks, the guy who pull me up from despair, the guy who grow dumberer with me every moment we are together..
i like fiddling with my camera and you never knows what shots it can take. i particularly like this shot.
Creed
..cast your own judgement..
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